Science has no place in this
by Fyrewire
Summary: There were plenty of things that were on the list of things Kurt expected to hear when the door closed after his boyfriend's mother had ushered him into David's room. "I'm pregnant." Was not among them.  Kurtofsky


Based on a prompt made at my tumblr. Kurtofsky Mpreg, enjoy.

I do not own Glee.

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><p>There were plenty of things that were on the list of things Kurt expected to hear when the door closed after his boyfriend's mother had ushered him into David's room.<p>

"I'm pregnant." Was not among them.

Kurt stared at David with raised eyebrows; his boyfriend was staring at the ceiling. Kurt wasn't sure how he was expected to react, so he chose the first option that came to mind.

"… Okay, what's for dinner?" He _had_ been invited over for dinner, after all.

David glanced over at him, face devoid of any reaction, voice monotone. "You're acting pretty calm for a guy whose boyfriend just told them he was pregnant."

Kurt gave David a look that clearly expressed how not amused he was. "You can't be pregnant, David. We're just teenagers!" He paused. "Plus, y'know, you don't have a womb. Kind of makes that impossible." He crossed his arms.

David groaned, placing his face in his hand as he sat up. "I _know_, okay? But you know how I was throwing up last week and we thought I had the stomach flu?"

"You _did_ have the stomach flu." Kurt wasn't going to play along with this; he gave his boyfriend a mild glare.

David shook his head, sighing. "We thought I did, and when it went on for a week dad took me to the doctor's… We got some blood work done and - _surprise _- I'm pregnant."

There was an uncomfortable stretch of silence.

David groaned, looking up at Kurt, and Kurt was surprised by how vulnerable his eyes were. "_Look_. We had them test my blood three more times, I peed on about a _thousand_ of those goddamn sticks (Every single one of them was positive!), and I have spent the past week and a half throwing up every morning. If I'm not pregnant than my body is too fucked up for me to comprehend!" He'd been shouting for a bit at the end of that, but as soon as words stopped flowing from his mouth he seemed to deflate, curling in on himself on the bed.

Kurt licked his lips, slowly walking to the bed, he sat down and wrapped an arm around David's shoulders. "You really _are_ pregnant, aren't you?"

David nodded, leaning into Kurt's embrace. "Yeah… Our best estimate is about a month along…" His hand slid to his stomach, and Kurt could tell that he was still having a hard time believing that this was real himself.

Tentatively, Kurt placed his hand over David's, staring down at the other teen's stomach.

He slowly nodded. "Okay, so… You're pregnant. What are we supposed to do?"

Dave chuckled pitifully. "I don't know… God, I wish I did. School starts up again in two weeks. I'm going to have to forgo football… Hell, I might just drop out and do my last year online…"

Kurt slid his hand that wasn't on David's stomach up to his head, running his fingers through David's hair. "I… I'm going to stick with you through this, David… It's my baby, too…"

David smiled slightly. "I love you, you know."

"I love you too, David."

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><p>Kurt's Dad and Carole had taken had taken the news a lot better than Kurt had expected, in that his father didn't have another heart attack and Carole immediately started giving pregnancy tips to David.<p>

As Carole dragged David out of the kitchen to sit him down and talk about all her personal experiences with pregnancy, Kurt looked at his father, who seemed to still be absorbing all of this.

Kurt offered a smile. "It's pretty unbelievable, I know." He sighed. "We spent all of Saturday night trying to figure out what we were going to do and how we were going to explain it." He made a face. "When we didn't make much progress with that, we switched to picking out baby names." He shifted awkwardly under his dad's blank stare; bleakly adding "We're both hoping for a girl."

After an extended period of silence, Burt sighed, resting his head in his hands. "I'm still trying to comprehend the fact that _you_ got your _boyfriend_ pregnant."

A beat.

"Is this surprise at the fact that he's pregnant or at the fact that more I frequently top?"

"… A bit of both."

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><p>The first time David had gotten a craving, Kurt was pretty sure that the world had attempted to end around them.<p>

Four days left until school, and they'd been lounging on David's bed watching a random Harry Potter movie when David had started fidgeting.

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked, looking up from where he was snuggled under Dave's arm with a hand on his stomach (A habit he'd developed in the past week).

"I… It's nothing." Dave shifted and looked away.

Worried, Kurt pushed himself up into a sitting position, scrutinizing his boyfriend. "David, what's wrong."

"I… It's stupid." He crossed his arms, which Kurt had learned meant that he was uncomfortable.

"Tell me." Kurt implored, gently turning David's head to face him. "David, _tell_ me."

"I'm just… Really craving watermelon." Kurt almost laughed in relief, but knew that doing so would be counterproductive.

Instead, he nodded, pulling back slightly. "Okay… Is there any in the house?"

David shook his head, simultaneously looking as if he were about to cry and as if that fact confused him to the point of frustration.

Kurt got off the bed. "Well, I'll go get some, then." He found his keys. "Why don't you lay back and just focus on the movie, and I'll be back soon with some watermelon."

"And peanut butter." David added, licking his lips. "And strawberries, and slim Jims."

"You want all of that?" Kurt paled slightly, all of those didn't seem like they went together.

"I want to mix it all together and eat it with a spoon." David closed his eyes, licking his lips as he imagined it.

Kurt shuddered, but relented. "Okay… Okay. I'll go to the store… And be back with them soon." He headed out of the room, going to the door and getting his shoes on.

Ten minutes later, just as he had finally found everything David had wanted, he got a text, which only consisted of two words: 'red vines.'

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><p>David having an emotional breakdown on the first day of school was what many would call a bad omen.<p>

Kurt didn't want to dwell on the event, and only thought of it long enough to add Scott Cooper to the ever-growing list of people to whom he would have to covertly destroy.

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><p>Finally, after going to the doctor every week for check-up after check-up, they learned the gender of the little defiance of nature they were going to have.<p>

It was a girl.

They were going to name her Abigail.

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><p>The first time the baby kicked was in late October, it was still at the point where no one outside of their parents knew David was pregnant, and everyone at school had just decided that David was emotionally unhinged after the fifth day of mood swings.<p>

(Kurt had noticed Quinn looking at David contemplatively, and made a note to try and block any thought process that would lead her to the impossible inevitability)

But, right, baby kicking. They had been sitting in cooking class (Kurt had convinced David to take it because he wanted as many classes together with him as possible) the teacher had been in the middle of explaining how to properly mix together something or another (Honestly, Kurt wondered why he took that class, the teacher never taught anything he didn't already know) when Dave had jolted in his seat, his hand twitching and balling into a fist.

Everyone stared at him, but David waved them off and eventually got them to continue with the lesson. Kurt looked at him questioningly but David only smiled and mouthed that he'd tell him after class.

After class had finished, Dave practically dragged Kurt into the boy's room.

As David hurried around, checking to make sure that they were alone, Kurt looked at him with a raised eyebrow, trying to hide the worry bubbling inside of him.

"David. _What_ is going on? What was all that about in class?"

Once David was sure they were alone, he turned to Kurt, grabbing his hand.

"David, what-" Kurt was cut off by David lifting his shirt up just enough to expose the still-small-enough-to-be-hidden-by-a-loose-shirt bump in his stomach. He pressed Kurt's hand to it.

A long moment where nothing happened, and Kurt was about to once again ask him what was up with him when he felt it.

It was the faintest flutter, in retrospect he wondered why it was called a kick when you could hardly feel it, but it was there and it made his breath rush out of him all at once.

They looked at each other, and slowly, both of them grinned.

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><p>Kurt felt that he really should have been more surprised when Brittany had been the first to figure out David's pregnancy.<p>

Kurt also felt that he really should have been more surprised that it took until David was five months along for _anyone_ to notice.

It had been during Glee practice when it had happened, David was eating some weird combination of strawberries and hot sauce, and Kurt had been talking with Mr. Schue when Brittany's soft voice broke through the room.

"So, what're you and Kurt naming the baby?" Somehow she had gotten from one side of the room to right next to David in the time it took Kurt to blink.

David froze, a hot sauce-covered strawberry halfway to his mouth as he stared at Brittany with wide eyes. The entire room fell into silence.

The silence dragged on until Puck broke it with a _loud_ laugh.

"Brittany, Kurt can't be pregnant." Kurt felt a bit offended that Puck had immediately assumed that Kurt was the 'girl' in the pregnancy situation.

"Kurt _isn't_ pregnant." Brittany said it in her 'duh, are you stupid?' voice. "_Dave_ is."

_That_ caused riotous laughter from everyone who wasn't named Kurt, David, or Brittany.

As the laughter quieted down, everyone else noticed the lack of laughter from the three, and the looks of panic on Kurt and David's faces.

Quinn was the first one to speak up as every hint that they'd missed, every trait that she (of all people) should have recognized, hit her all at once.

"Oh… My god…"

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><p>Around the eighth month (Kurt would never figure out how they managed to make it this far with only the Glee club and a few select teachers figuring it out) Kurt and David started to notice something odd about David.<p>

They been cuddling naked on David's bed (Like you do) when Kurt's hand had slid to his boyfriend's stomach. It was then that he noticed it.

A thin ridge, just above his bump, that most certainly had _not_ been there the day before.

Confused, Kurt sat up to look at it. He ran his fingers along it, it stuck up from David's skin… But at the same time it indented right above where it stood out.

"Hm." Kurt ran his fingertip along the indent, and glanced up in surprise when David let out a low moan.

"David…" He said slowly. "Do… You know what this is?" He ran his finger along the ridge again as David shook his head.

"No… I just woke up and there it was." David licked his lips as Kurt's finger touched the indent again.

"Mm… I guess we'll just have to hope it isn't anything bad."

* * *

><p>It was a pouch.<p>

It was a goddamn kangaroo pouch for the baby to come out of.

What. The fuck.

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><p>Kurt had been expecting David to go into labor at some big dramatic moment, like during nationals or after some big fight.<p>

Nope. They were just sitting there watching a movie on David's bed when David quietly said "Oh…" and placed a hand on his stomach.

"David?" Kurt sat up, placing a hand over his boyfriend's. "What's wrong?"

"Um…" David gently pushed Kurt's hand away, taking his shirt off. He ran his fingers over the ridge of his pouch (Kurt would never get used to that) slipping them in.

Kurt sat back, watching David as he gently pulled the pouch open enough.

"Kurt." He looked up. "Take your shirt off, and then reach in…"

"Um, David…" Kurt made a disgusted face, not liking the thought of sticking his hands into whatever unknown fluids were in there.

"_Kurt_." David's voice was sharp. "The baby is coming _now_. And I would _appreciate_ your help!"

"Oh." Kurt's eyes widened, and in a flash his shirt was off. He crawled over the bed to David, grimacing as he slowly slid his hands into the pouch.

"Okay… So keep going until you find the baby…" Kurt looked up at David once his hands touched a hand. "Okay, then you want to find her torso, and turn her so we're sure her head is pointing towards the pouch…"

As he did this, Kurt spoke. "How do you know this?"

"I don't know, I just do…" David's breathing was quick, and he occasionally groaned in pain. Kurt finished positioning the baby. "Okay, now just sort of _gently_ pull her out."

Kurt wasn't sure how it happened, but suddenly David let out a small scream as the baby came out of the pouch, and Kurt found himself with a wailing, goo-covered baby in his arms.

As David calmed down (The pouch slid closed on its own once their hands were out of it) Kurt looked down at their baby, gently wiping some goop from her eyes.

"Hello, there, Abigail." Kurt smiled, feeling tears prick in his eyes.


End file.
